December 20, 2005

I write this post from home tonight. While I have made it home Leah remains in Iowa City. Once again she spiked a fever. This is frustrating to us and seems to have the doctors puzzled. As a means of ruling out a fungal infection they are doing a CT scan tomorrow under general anesthesia. While I feel extremely guilty for leaving her, I am planning on teaching tomorrow, the day before Christmas break begins. Chris has tomorrow off, so he and Chloe came down for the evening, and Chloe and I headed back for Denver around 9 PM.

While I do feel extremely guilty for leaving, I am also in need of a break. The longer I have been in Iowa City the more isolated I feel and the more frustrated and upset I have become over the lack of answers about her fever. Today was not a very good day, either, since when she has fevers Leah is more tired and cranky. Her counts are still low, which again is contributing to her mood and energy level. We managed to make it to the library, of course, so at least Leah has some desire to be a part of the goings on there.

When Chris arrived tonight we were able to take the girls for a wagon ride around the hospital, which they both enjoyed. Leah is continuing to receive the GCSF shots, and this time I administered it to her. I have never wanted to get or give a shot in my entire life, and certainly not to my child. Leah somehow seems to find comfort in the fact that I be the one poking her and requests me to do it. Since we have to know how anyway, and will be doing it at home on our own, I feel it is better to practice with a nurse watching and coaching me. Chris practiced, too, after I was done, on our nurse Jenny.

We also met another mother today who was able to offer some encouragement. Her son has been receiving treatment for two years for cancer as well. Because she has been dealing with the doctors and different procedures for such a long time she definitely knows some of the ins and outs of chemotherapy, CT scans and other forms of treatment. While we were not able to talk long, I am hoping to have the chance to speak with her again at some point; there are many questions I have for her.

Another small highlight of the day was the fact that Leah walked all the way to the library and back today, and even a few other places. This is more walking than she has done in three weeks. Some of that is due to her surgery and incision, the other part is that her abdomen truly does hurt her and may even be inflamed because of her treatment. I was quite happy with this development today-in fact, she is still hooked up to her IV pole and was walking quickly enough that I had to work to keep up with her and make sure it did not pull her port tube out.

While it is nice to be home and have a break, my thoughts will certainly by with Chris and Leah tomorrow as Leah undergoes the CT scan. And, somehow, home does not really seem like home right now to me, either. I plan to return to Iowa City Friday morning. My mom is going to spend tomorrow night with her so that Chris, Chloe and I can all be in Denver for one night. I have a few Christmas things to get lined up and other odds and ends to deal with as well. Since Thanksgiving when Leah was diagnosed, I have been home a total of 8 days. In some ways it seems like long ago, and in others it feels as though it was just yesterday.

Keep Leah in your thoughts and prayers as she faces another CT scan tomorrow.